As a Motherless Daughter, many of us forget, or have forgotten how, to do the things we need to do in order to take care of ourselves.
Living in Los Angeles (or near enough) I am keenly aware of all the things Angelenos do to pamper themselves on a regular basis. No need for a crisis, Angelenos will go get a massage just because. Manicures, pedicures and leg waxings are activities LA women and men (and they don't have to be gay) indulge in just to get ready for a party filled weekend.
I have been here six years, and while I can certainly do with less plastic boobs, fake tans and shallow personalities, LA uses its powers for good when it shows us that spoiling ourselves once in awhile can be an absolutely fabulous thing.
So here are two tips to spoil yourself like a true Los Angeleno (within reason of course):
1. If you have some extra cash (or save up bit by bit) - get a massage! And preferably at a pretty spa.
The prices vary for Swedish, Deep Tissue, Hot Stone and the like, but an hour long pampering session is worth the splurge. Plus at a full service spa, the price may include time in the steam room, a facial or even a paraffin hand wax. All very delicious.
Because the attention is mainly on you, and I know Motherless Daughters most times would like to melt into the walls as if they never existed, you may feel uncomfortable or even become emotional. Connecting to a person who is touching your body is a very strong thing - especially, if like me, you are hell bent on trying to hide that you even feel anything at all. Feelings lead to lots of crying and for the most part Motherless Daughters would really like to skip all that.
The first massage I got after my Mother passed away, led me to crying my eyes out face down in the massage chair. Apparently, putting pressure in certain places can trigger lots of memories, unfortunately they were not happy ones. If you find you are uncomfortable or become emotional during a massage, let the massage therapist know you need to take a break. Plus it's not easy laying face down with a stuffy nose (you actually really can't breathe!). You don't have to explain, or you can, whatever you wish. Then, when you feel better, go back in and enjoy the rest of the time you have on the clock.
2. Take a drive.
No matter how high the gas prices go, you can't stop a Californian from taking time to cruise around. People get dressed up, grab their friends, hop in the car and only just drive around. Part of that I'm sure is that it costs $15 to park.
Don't stop to run errands while on your drive. This time is not for chores or responsibilities. This time is just for you to be an observer, to see what's going on in the world and with yourself. By taking a drive, you can see what's happening right in your own hood. A little league game, a community pancake breakfast, a yard sale. All things that show that life indeed still happens, whether you feel a part of it or not, somewhere it still happens. Also, you may find that you'd like to attend that upcoming pancake breakfast (who wouldn't!). This is very good. Anything that gets you connecting to the world and lessens your feelings of isolation is a good thing.
Your drive can also be to nowhere. It can be a trek up the longest stretch of road you can find and two hours later you're back home again. These are my favorite kinds of drives. The window open, the radio on (but most times not) a very long drive gives me some time to unravel all thoughts tangled up in my head. Driving lets me feel in control during a time when so many things are out of it. But please be careful, driving a vehicle if you're too emotional to focus can be dangerous. Don't use your car as a get away unless you trust that you can make it around safely.
Engaging in one of these simple activities, even if it's once every six months, will absolutely help you feel better, physically and emotionally, and allow you some breathing room to sort things out. Many of us have been caretakers, and may not be used to focusing on ourselves, may not be used to taking time out. But spending a few extra dollars to have someone focus on you, or you making yourself take time to be with yourself, is priceless. It is worth the few tears that will come because you are worth the time and effort. You are absolutely worth being out there in the world and not melting into walls.
-TL
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Thirty-something-year-old Motherless Daughter writes a blog.
4 comments:
I liked this entry -- I often go for long drives to get lost on purpose, to see how far a road goes before it changes names or numbers. I haven't gotten a massage, though... they hurt a lot whenever I've tried.
I sometimes feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you during moments where you are remembering your mom; perhaps I feel guilty that mine is still alive, and that I have no place talking to you about how you should feel. But me being silent is probably worse, I've realized.
-G-unit
Hi Tara! Just wanted to tell you I enjoy reading your thoughts. They are so beautifully written. I was crying when I read the first entry and I think its good for people to really see how it feels for you on an everyday basis. Maybe they will finally understand. Nel and I are dying to come out and visit you. We miss you a lot! Keep up the good writing.
yes, as you have realized, sometimes you should pamper yourself...just because it makes you feel better. A good massage helps in a number of ways. I think just the human touch is a good place to start.
Your Motherless Daughter tag makes me sad, but, being a Fatherless Son, to a certain extent I can empathize.
You are special. No melting!
Being a native Californian, I agree with both. Especially the drive. I often get in my car and take off with nowhere to go but have my windows down and my radio blasting. It's social and freeing in a bizarre way.
My favorite thing is turning down streets I've never been down before.
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