The hardest part about writing a blog for Motherless Daughters... the hardest part about writing a blog about being a Motherless Daughter... is having to say something about being Motherless.
There is so much to share, the good and the bad, that sometimes I don't even know where to start. And sometimes, when I do start, it's actually too hard to finish. I've shed tears over nearly every post, actually over every post except Blog the Ninth (that one was kind of fun!).
I want to talk about what it's like when you start forgetting things, voices, faces. I want to discuss how you cope with all those Firsts new Motherless Daughters are faced with in the beginning and veteran Motherless Daughters are surprised still affect them years later. I want to say things about the dreams you'll have and the memories, about going back home, about taking care of yourself on your own. I want to write about how you're probably going to feel like you're always going to be screwed up, like there will always be this little bit of drama that keeps you separate, that keeps you different from other people, and how could you possibly connect? I want to say it totally fucking sucks at times to be a Motherless Daughter. It totally fucking sucks. It affects relationships - romantic ones, familial ones. It affects your work, your health, your sanity. I want to talk about that feeling you get, when you sit and review your life, and realize it's not how you planned things at all - good or bad - it's just not how you thought your life would turn out, not in the least, not even close. We'll have to discuss time management, and pain management, and household management and how very often everything, everywhere seems particularly overwhelming all the time. And I want to make sure we discuss how it is we're all getting along, how we all keep on keepin' on, how we all still do the dishes and wash the tub and go to work and love our loved ones and pluck our eyebrows and shave our legs, without our Mothers.
Yeah, I want to talk about all that, and then some. You ready?
"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night."
-TL
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Thirty-something-year-old Motherless Daughter writes a blog.
3 comments:
You know what hit me hard. Is watching Survivor this season. I like to watch survivor. My mother LOVED IT!!!!!
Every thursday we would watch in our own homes, and as the closing credits were running, the phone would ring. And it would be her asking me what I thought of it. And then recapping the entire show. Used to drive me fricken nuts. But when Survivor started after she died. I watched the first episode, then stared at the phone for a few while closing credits ran. Expecting it to ring. And when it didn't... I cried.
It's little weird things that get to you sometimes.
Have you found this blog to be cathartic at all? I hope so. Sometimes it helps me to write things down.
I love this posting. It is true that it affects all things and even after many years it is still something that AFFECTS me. Unescapable!
Your MI friend,
Holly
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