And Now For Something Completely Different

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blogram to bring you an Exercise in Collaborative Blogging.

I decided to give something new a shot and participate in a Blog Exchange. It's a collborative blogging experiment where you are paired up with a buddy, assigned a topic, write your take on the topic at hand, and post each others views on each others blogs with a link back to the other person's blog. Sound confusing? It was for me. And I think I kind of got yelled at because I didn't submit my work, or post my buddies work... well... till now (slackerific!). My apologies to K Chase and J's Mommy for dropping the ball.

J's Mommy wrote her post and then stopped by Cheap Chocolate only to realize, gasp!, Cheap Chocolate is a blog for Motherless Daughters and her post is about the struggles of being a Mother. After reading her post, I have to say BRAVO Stacy! BRAVO!

There is indeed a reality to being a Mother that is not as Stacy says, "all sugar and no spice." My Mother (perhaps not yours, but mine) wasn't always Suzie Homemaker, and I know she must have cursed my name more than once, as I tested every one of her seemingly last nerves.

I found early on I had to walk a fine line between remembering my Mother rightfully and making her into some flawless fantasy. My Mother wasn't some storybook character. She was a real live, flawed, hard-working, beautiful, trying her best and fucking up sometimes woman... and Mother.

Put your hands together for Guest Blogger J's Mommy (aka Stacy) and her wonderfully written post on the topic - What's in a Name?

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What’s in a name? Funny you should ask that. I’m not feeling too find of my name right now.

Mommy.

I hear it all day long. “Mommy, can you get me some chocolate milk?” “Mommy, can I watch a video?” “Mommy, can we go outside?” “Mommy, I don’t want to go to bed.”

It’s a constant reminder of who I’ve become. A mother, a role model, a healer of all things. It’s a huge responsibility and I had no idea what to expect when I found out I was pregnant. What I read about in books and learned from friends was nothing like what I experienced. What I am STILL experiencing.

I’m afraid that if I say what I really feel, I’ll be admitting defeat. If I tell the truth, the whole world will find out I’m a fake. Heck, what’s the difference? I’m already consumed by guilt. Here it goes …

Sometimes, I don’t like being a mommy.

There I said it. My world didn’t shatter. And yet it’s a sentence I would never say in the real world, outside of the blogosphere. Not even under my breath. Doing that would make me an outcast. All of the mommies out there madly in love with their children would hunt me down and scold me for saying such a thing.

You have to know that my daughter is everything to me. She is smart and funny and totally fearless. But, she’s also willful and stubborn and just plain difficult. Don’t believe me? On her one year checkup at the pediatrician, he recommended this book.

It’s because of her behavior that I feel like there’s nothing left of me. The me that used to enjoy life and laugh a lot. The me that was patient and understanding. The me that was creative and driven. The old me.

The name ‘mommy’ has a lot of meanings for me ~ some good, some bad. There are times when I feel proud and times when I feel just plain pitiful. I wish there were more mommies out there like me. More mommies who feel like they’ve been duped into believing motherhood is all sugar and no spice.

Tomorrow I may feel different, but for today I’d like to be called Stacy.