Blog the Seventh

All right Ladies. Let's talk about it. Let's point a finger and look at it. Let's admit it is here. Let's open up the shades a crack and let light fall on the thing in the dark that we may all be hiding...

The 500 pound elephant in the room... Mother's Day.

There, I said it. Mother's Day.

Mother's Day!

Are you still alive? Good. I knew you would be.

Sunday May 14th is Mother's Day, and for those of us without Mothers it could more appropriately be entitled, "Why Don't You Just Take a Sharp Knife and Stab it Though My Already Bleeding Heart Because You Keep Reminding Me that I Don't Have a Mother Anymore Thank You Very Flippin' Much Day."

Dramatic yes. But for many, right on the mark. For us, for Motherless Daughters, this day could be even worse than a holiday. On this day, every Hallmark commercial, every newspaper, every radio station, and every cute little family or lovely young lady gallivanting around with her Mom, is a painful reminder of what we've lost, of what we can't have. Mommy.

No more skipping through the wild flowers hand in hand on Mother's Day. No more Mother/Daughter facials or tea times. No more, "I'll cook the meat, you cook the potatoes," dinners.

That's what Mother's day is for us. It's that one day out of the year that will always bring back the memories and the tears. What luck. You can't run away from Mother's Day.

But I'll let you in on a little secret. You don't have to run away from Mother's Day at all. You can actually embrace it. Embrace it, not fake it (I know a faux smile when I see one). Do the memories have to be sad ones? Do they have to be unhappy tears? I say not. I may not get to celebrate Mother's Day with my Mother, but that doesn't mean the day has to be an inherent disaster and a total loss. I haven't cried sad tears on Mother's Day in years. Why? Because all I have to do is look around and see what and who I have to celebrate in life on this day.

Here a few things I've done over the years to live though (gosh the beginning was so hard!) or have fun enjoying Mother's Day. Maybe one of these ideas can help you out as well.

1. The "What Mother's Day" Approach - lock myself in my room and cry, cry, cry till I couldn't cry any longer. I'd be so tired that I'd instantly fall asleep and bang - the day was over.

2. The "It's Just Another Day" Approach - grab a bunch of romantic comedies, stay in my pajamas, get cookies, lay on the couch and laugh all day long.

3. The "Alone Time" Approach - pack a small lunch and go for a long mountainous hike, or walk along the beach. I'd give myself time to think about my Mother and talk to her. Fill her in on what's happening in life. Whether I'd cry or not, everything stayed with the beach or the mountains and I'd come back home feeling refreshed and reconnected.

And my personal favorite (I use this on Valentine's Day as well),

4. The "Who Says I Can't Celebrate the Day?!" Approach - make a mental list of every woman I know who is an Awesome Mom or Awesome Mom To Be and go out and celebrate her. Grandma, Aunties, Step Moms, Cousins, Best Friends, Close Friends, Work Friends, Friends' Moms, even the stranger on the street who is pushing her baby carriage. When I opened up the day, and it didn't have to revolve solely around "my Mom", I found that there were so many opportunities to share and care.

Mother's Day is not over because we no longer have our Moms here. It doesn't have to be like that. On the contrary, it can become a day where we celebrate all the special women in our lives.

Also, on Mother's day, I like to remember all the amazing qualities that my Mother gave me to help make something out of this life - resolve, tenacity, strength, independence, attitude, confidence. They have also become the things that have helped me get on without her.

Be well on Sunday Ladies. Hang in there and...

Happy 500 Pound Elephant!

-TL