Blog the Thirteenth

The Vortex of Pain is over! Weee Hoo!!!

One good thing about having a set time for major grieving is, whether I use it or not, when it's over, it's done.

Psychologically, the end of the Vortex of Pain is like New Years for me. You anticipate it, you're anxious about it, it comes, it's crazy, it's over and BANG! it's a brand new day and all the bad stuff is left in the past.

Also, because I allow myself to be a bit of a mess for three weeks of the year (I inform my boss, I don't do dishes, I runaway, I cry lots, I don't write in my blog, heck I might not even take a bath), I'm less inclined to allow myself to be a wreck the other parts of the year. That's not to say that I don't have bad days. But I try to keep them to bad hours, or to just a day. I am not allowed to carry on and on and on ad infinitum - not after having three weeks.

I couldn't imagine being a wreck on a regular basis. As a single person, being "non-functional" is not an option. Allowing myself a set point to be alright with not being alright, is such a help.

Even if you don't have the coincidental layout that I have (Mother's Day, Mom's Birthday, Mom's Anniversary) I'd say allow yourself a few days before your Big Trigger Day or perhaps a few days after (I find I'm fine after but not before). Tell your family, for the next few days if you're not feeling well, you are not doing the dishes or the laundry - they're just going to have to get along without you. Ask your partner to make the meals or just eat out. Tell your friends thanks for the invite but you don't feel like going out tonight and reschedule for another time. Turn off your phone. Skip the blog. Book a hotel somewhere and stay there - free housekeeping and continental breakfast included.

There are any number of things you can do to give yourself the time you need, especially around those Big Trigger Days. Maybe you don't need to go anywhere and can instead sit home and color. The point is give yourself that time. Please don't feel bad about giving yourself those days, but please do try to keep yourself from going overboard - a wee bit of discipline goes a long way when you need to rein yourself in - after all, at some point, those damn dishes do need to get done.

-TL