I'm sure it comes from a lesson learned early on, from my Mother as it turns out, when I kept asking her questions about various and random things and to define words I didn't know. She turned to me finally and said, "Look it up."
I have a sneaking suspicion she said that because she actually didn't know the answers to what I was looking for. Tricky, tricky. But it was probably more that she wanted to make sure I didn't get too comfortable always asking for help, always having someone else tell me the answer. In that one instant, after hearing those three little words, I distincly remember thinking - fine, I'll go figure it out for myself. That sort of attitude has definitely played a significant role in shaping my life.
I digress yet again dear reader. The point of Blog the Eleventh was to share something very special with you. I have listed the songs that get me through the bad times - but during the Vortex of Pain, probably the hardest time in my life, there is something I "read" rather than "listen to" that helps me along.
It is a poem.
One whose words envelope me in a blanket of sureity, that I sometimes repeat it again and again to myself, hoping to continually absord the utter confidence it speaks of in making it through the rough times. One day, I hope to get the whole thing tattooed somewhere on my body, if not at least just the title. For now, it is displayed at my desk at work and at home.
If you decide this poem speaks to your heart as well, I encourge you to print it out, fold it up and carry it with you, in your wallet, your shoe, even your bra. It will serve as a reminder of the resolve that is in all of us everyday or even just when we need it the most.
And now, I proudly present...
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
-TL
*many thanks to my friend Terrence Hendrix for passing this poem, this strength on to me.
*Invictus was written by British Poet William Ernest Henley
5 comments:
Oh TL I'm so sorry this three weeks is so hard on you. I amazingly have been doing rather well. I don't know why. I keep waiting almost in horrible anticipation for it to hit and hit hard. Everyone I talked to said there would be a day, it could be weeks afterward or years, but it will hit you and you will feel like your dying. And the sobbing will be so intense. Sometimes I hope that would just hurry up and happen, sO I could get it over with. I know me expecting it is why it hasn't happened yet.
I'm thinking July might be hard. Mom's birthday was July 4th, and we always did something HUGE to celebrate hers and the holliday. I can't imagine not making a huge deal out of it.
I have tattoo's and want more, I haven't thought of one for my mom yet. Not sure if I ever will. Although all of mine mean something. (to me that is)
I liked the poem. I'm glad it helps you. We all need a little something like that.
On a side note. Seeing as you say "Motherless Daughters" have you read that book??? I got it from a friend, and she told me to just read it when I was ready. I was ready a few weeks ago, but the main time I had to read was when I was at the school waiting for my son to get out, and I didn't want to read it there, because they said you will cry alot with the book. I'm hoping to start it this summer.
Okay I've prattled on long enough.
I loved hearing about your collage journals. Did you follow the links to some of my sons and mine....pages of them? I also did one book on my brothers. I hated to have all this stuff aging with no home.
The poem is empowering in the end.
TL -
I always wondered where the lines "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul" came from. I never knew there was an entire poem attached to it. It's beautiful.
That poem gives me the chills. Very powerful. Lots of cyber hugs to you in the upcoming weeks.
I too heard pieces of this poem often - thanks for posting it as a whole. I shall never forget it.
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